What is this?
This is a replacement for the screen that displays when Windows 95 starts up.

How does it work?
In the root directory of your hard drive is a file called logo.sys. This is actually a plain old 256 color bitmap (copy it to logo.bmp and see). With only your imagination and some free time as your limiting factors, you can replace this file with any 256 color bitmap and create your own startup screen.

Huh?
Download this file, and copy it to your root directory (probably C:\). You might want to make a backup of your current 'logo.sys' file just in case Bill Gates comes to dinner at your house, and wants to fire up your computer to pound out a spreadsheet.

Regardless of my motivations, if I implement this tomfoolery will it have a negative impact on my computer?
I am inclined to answer with a resounding 'No'. Even though you'll need to replace one of those scary '.sys' files, this is definitely a much safer hobby than say, hacking your registry. However, I am loath to make any guarantees when 'negative' and 'my computer' are used in the same sentence with regard to Microsoft (insert product name here) 9x (where 5 <= x <=9).

I am offended by your passive-aggressive anti-Microsoft stance, however in my efforts to create my own logo.sys file lauding both Microsoft's marketing savvy and the philosophies of Ayn Rand, I was unable to reproduce that snazzy little animated bar at the bottom of the screen. Do you secretly work for Microsoft? Are you guilty of commerce with forbidden arcana? How the hell did you do this?
No. Yes. Some fine utilities can be found here to spin the pixels once you've pushed them into place. Cynicism and bad intentions not included.

I am a power-user and I live on the bleeding edge of technological innovation, and am thus running Windows 98. Will this still work?
I am pretty sure, but I have not tried this yet. I actually recommend against using this on a Windows 98 system, because once you replace the startup screen, you might not be able to tell the difference between 95 and 98 anymore.

How much does this cost?
In honor of Internet Explorer, this is being distributed for free. Tell your friends the truth.

What's the fastest land animal?
Cheetah.